The Patriarchy, Burnout, and You: Why Rest Is a Radical Act
It's Sunday evening and you're already dreading Monday. You spent the entire weekend catching up on laundry, meal prepping, answering work emails, running errands, and somehow still feel behind. You can't remember the last time you actually rested—like, really rested. Not collapsed-in-exhaustion rest, but nourishing, restorative, guilt-free rest.
When was the last time you did nothing without feeling like you were wasting time?
You know you're tired. Bone-tired. Soul-tired. But there's always more to do, more people who need you, more expectations to meet. Rest feels like a luxury you can't afford, something you'll get to "someday" when everything else is done.
Spoiler alert: everything is never done. And your exhaustion? It's not your fault.
Burnout isn't just about being busy—it's a symptom of a system that asks too much of us while giving too little in return. For women, LGBTQIA+ folks, and other marginalized communities, burnout is often fueled by the invisible labor and constant demands of living under the patriarchy.
Rest isn't just a solution; it's an act of defiance.
In this post, we'll explore how systemic pressures contribute to burnout and how reclaiming rest can be a radical step toward healing and empowerment.
What Burnout Really Means (And Why It's Not Your Fault)
Burnout is a systemic issue, not a personal failing.
Burnout isn't something that happens because you're not managing your time well enough or because you lack resilience. It's the natural result of living in a society that glorifies productivity over well-being.
When your worth is tied to how much you can do, earn, or give, rest feels indulgent—even selfish. But burnout isn't just physical exhaustion; it's emotional and mental depletion that leaves you feeling disconnected from yourself and others.
The signs of burnout you might be experiencing:
Chronic exhaustion that sleep doesn't fix
Emotional numbness or feeling like you're just going through the motions
Cynicism or detachment from work, relationships, or activities you used to care about
Decreased performance despite working harder than ever
Physical symptoms like headaches, digestive issues, or a weakened immune system
Feeling trapped with no way out or no energy to change things
Irritability or resentment that seems to come out of nowhere
Loss of motivation or purpose in areas that used to matter to you
If several of these resonate, you're not broken or weak. You're responding normally to an abnormal amount of pressure.
Why traditional self-care advice falls short.
You've probably heard the usual advice: "Take a bubble bath! Practice gratitude! Do some yoga!" And while these things can be nice, they don't address the root problem.
Self-care under capitalism has become another item on your to-do list, another thing you're failing at if you don't manage to fit it in. Real rest isn't about performing self-care rituals—it's about fundamentally questioning a system that requires constant self-sacrifice.
The Patriarchy's Role in Burnout
The patriarchy doesn't just affect individual lives—it shapes societal norms that perpetuate burnout, especially for women and marginalized communities. Let's break down how:
1. The mental load: The invisible labor no one sees.
Women are often expected to manage the invisible labor of planning, organizing, and emotional caretaking, in addition to their professional responsibilities. This includes:
Remembering everyone's schedules and appointments
Planning meals and managing the household
Tracking what needs to be bought, repaired, or taken care of
Managing family relationships and social obligations
Anticipating everyone's needs before they're even voiced
Being the "project manager" of home life while also working outside the home
This cognitive labor is exhausting and constant, yet it's often invisible and undervalued. No one sees it, no one thanks you for it, and it never ends.
2. Perfectionism pressure: The impossible standard.
Societal messaging tells marginalized groups they must "do it all" while making it look effortless. You're expected to:
Excel in your career (but not be too ambitious or you're threatening)
Be a perfect partner/parent/friend (but not neglect yourself or you're a martyr)
Look put-together at all times (but not be too focused on appearance or you're vain)
Be strong and capable (but not too independent or you're difficult)
Never complain, never show struggle, never ask for help
These contradictory expectations are designed to be impossible. You're set up to fail, and then blamed for not doing enough.
3. Capitalism's demands: Your worth = your productivity.
In a capitalist system, your value as a person is reduced to your economic output. Rest is framed as laziness instead of a basic human need. You internalize this messaging and feel guilty for:
Taking sick days when you're actually sick
Not answering emails after work hours
Saying no to extra projects or responsibilities
Spending time on activities that aren't "productive"
Existing without constantly achieving or earning
The system profits from your exhaustion. Burnt-out people don't have the energy to demand better conditions, question injustice, or create change.
4. Double (or triple) marginalization: Compounded stressors.
If you hold intersectional identities—being a woman of color, being LGBTQIA+, having a disability, being neurodivergent, or navigating multiple forms of marginalization—you face compounded stressors that make burnout even more likely:
Navigating systemic oppression and discrimination
Code-switching or masking to feel safe
Fighting for basic rights and dignity
Managing the emotional labor of educating others
Dealing with microaggressions and bias
Lacking access to resources and support systems
Bearing witness to harm against your communities
You're not just managing your own life—you're navigating systems actively working against you. Of course you're tired.
Why Rest Is a Radical Act
When you rest, you reject the idea that your value comes from how much you can produce or give. Rest isn't just self-care; it's resistance. Here's why:
1. Reclaiming your humanity: You are more than your output.
Rest reminds you that you are a person, not a machine. You have needs, limits, and a right to exist beyond your utility to others. In a world that constantly asks "what have you done for me lately?", rest says: I matter just by being alive.
Your worth is inherent, not earned. Rest affirms that truth.
2. Disrupting the cycle: Refusing to participate in your own exploitation.
Choosing rest challenges a system that thrives on overwork and burnout. When you rest, you're saying: "I will not sacrifice my wellbeing for a system that doesn't value me."
This disruption matters. It creates space for others to do the same. It models that another way is possible.
3. Rest as empowerment: You can't fight systems from empty.
Rest isn't about checking out or giving up. Rest empowers you to show up more fully—for yourself and the causes you care about. You can't dismantle the patriarchy if you're too exhausted to think clearly or advocate for yourself.
Rest is how you build the stamina for long-term resistance and change.
4. Rest as reclamation: Taking back what was stolen.
For many marginalized communities, rest has been stolen through forced labor, exploitation, and systemic oppression. Choosing rest now is an act of reclaiming what's rightfully yours: time, peace, sovereignty over your own body and life.
How to Start Reclaiming Rest
Reclaiming rest doesn't mean escaping all responsibilities, but it does mean rethinking how you approach your time and energy. Here are practical ways to begin:
1. Set boundaries that protect your rest.
Learn to say "no" without guilt. Boundaries aren't mean or selfish—they protect your time and energy for what truly matters.
Examples:
"I'm not available after 6 PM for work matters."
"I can't take on another project right now."
"I need this weekend to recharge, so I won't be able to attend."
"I'm taking a break from social obligations for the next month."
Practice saying no as a complete sentence. You don't owe anyone a detailed justification.
2. Prioritize joy and pleasure, not just "productive" rest.
Rest isn't just about sleep—it's about activities that recharge your spirit and bring you joy. This might look like:
Reading fiction for pleasure
Taking a long walk without a fitness goal
Watching your favorite comfort show without guilt
Spending unstructured time with loved ones
Creating art with no intention of sharing or monetizing it
Lying in the grass and watching clouds
Dancing in your living room
If it brings you joy and doesn't deplete you, it counts as rest.
3. Unlearn hustle culture one thought at a time.
Notice when hustle culture narratives show up in your internal dialogue:
"I should be doing something productive right now."
"Everyone else is working harder than me."
"I'll rest when everything is done."
"I'm wasting time."
Challenge these thoughts with compassion:
My worth isn't tied to my productivity.
Rest is necessary, not earned.
I'm allowed to simply exist.
Taking care of myself benefits everyone, including the people I care about.
4. Create rest rituals that feel sacred.
Build small moments of rest into your daily routine. These rituals signal to your nervous system that it's safe to slow down.
Examples:
Five minutes of deep breathing when you wake up or before bed
A tech-free hour each evening
A weekly "Sabbath" where you don't work or do chores
Morning coffee or tea enjoyed slowly, not while multitasking
A monthly day dedicated entirely to rest and pleasure
Make rest non-negotiable, just like you would any other important appointment.
5. Rest in community: Normalize rest together.
Normalize rest by sharing your journey with others and encouraging them to do the same. Create accountability around rest:
Share your rest practices with friends and invite them to join
Check in with each other about boundaries and rest
Challenge hustle culture together
Celebrate rest as an achievement, not a failure
Rest is more sustainable when it's supported by community.
Addressing Guilt Around Rest
If resting feels selfish or unproductive, you're not alone. Many of us have internalized messages that equate rest with laziness. To combat this guilt:
Reframe rest as resistance and maintenance.
Remind yourself that rest isn't indulgence—it's maintenance for your body and mind. Just like your phone needs to charge, you need rest to function.
And beyond that, rest is an act of resistance against systems that want to extract every ounce of energy from you. When you rest, you're fighting back.
Practice self-compassion when guilt shows up.
Speak to yourself as you would to a friend. Would you call them lazy for needing a break? Would you tell someone you love that their worth depends on their productivity?
Treat yourself with the same kindness you'd extend to others.
Think long-term: Burnout benefits no one.
Burnout doesn't just hurt you—it impacts everyone around you. When you're depleted, you can't show up fully in your relationships, work, or advocacy.
Rest allows you to show up more fully in the long run. It's not selfish; it's strategic.
Remember who benefits from your guilt.
Ask yourself: Who benefits if I feel guilty for resting? Probably not you. Probably systems that profit from your exhaustion.
Your guilt serves the patriarchy, not your wellbeing. Let it go.
Rest as Revolution: Changing the World by Refusing to Burn Out
Rest isn't just a personal choice—it's a powerful way to challenge systems that benefit from your exhaustion. By reclaiming rest, you're not only healing yourself; you're creating a ripple effect that can inspire others to do the same.
Remember: You don't have to earn rest. You deserve it simply because you're human.
When you rest, you're saying:
My humanity matters more than my productivity
I refuse to sacrifice myself for systems that don't value me
I have the right to exist without constantly proving my worth
I'm modeling a different way for others
Let's make rest the revolution.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve Rest
You're not lazy. You're not failing. You're not doing it wrong.
You're surviving in a system designed to extract everything from you while giving little in return. And you're doing your best under impossible conditions.
Rest isn't weakness—it's wisdom. It's rebellion. It's reclamation.
So rest. Not because you've earned it. Not because everything is done. But because you're human, and humans need rest.
Ready to Address Burnout and Reclaim Your Rest?
If you're struggling with burnout, chronic exhaustion, or guilt around resting, therapy can help. I work with people navigating systemic pressures, learning to set boundaries, and building lives that honor their humanity over productivity.
