From Overwhelmed to Empowered: A Feminist Approach to Goal Setting for the New Year
It's December 28th and your Instagram feed is full of "New Year, New You!" posts. Someone's showing off their vision board filled with images of flat stomachs and luxury vacations. Another person is posting their ambitious 2025 goals: wake up at 5 AM, run a marathon, start a side hustle, meal prep every Sunday, finally get that promotion.
You stare at your own blank journal page and feel... nothing. Or worse, you feel overwhelmed, inadequate, and behind before the year even starts.
Maybe you've tried this before. You've made the resolutions, bought the planner, committed to "being better." By February, you felt like a failure. Again.
Here's what no one tells you: the problem isn't you. The problem is the entire framework of traditional goal-setting.
The start of a new year often feels like a double-edged sword. On one hand, it's an opportunity to reflect and reset; on the other, it's a breeding ground for self-criticism. Traditional resolutions—lose weight, be more productive, earn more—tend to reinforce societal pressures and unrealistic standards. They leave us feeling like we're never doing or being enough.
But what if the issue isn't with you? What if the problem lies in the patriarchal ideals baked into conventional goal-setting?
This year, let's ditch the guilt-inducing resolutions and adopt a feminist approach to goal-setting—one that honors your values, fosters joy, and prioritizes your well-being over impossible standards.
The Problem with Traditional Goal-Setting
Traditional resolutions are designed to make you feel inadequate.
Traditional resolutions often reflect oppressive systems that equate worth with output, beauty, or external validation. They're not actually designed to help you thrive—they're designed to keep you striving for an unattainable ideal, constantly spending money and energy chasing "improvement."
Let's break down what's actually wrong with conventional New Year's resolutions:
1. Perfectionism: The patriarchy's favorite weapon.
Goals rooted in perfectionism—"flawless skin," "the perfect body," "have it all together"—feed into patriarchal ideals that punish us for being human. These goals often:
Focus on fixing perceived flaws rather than building on strengths
Set impossible standards that guarantee failure
Tie your worth to your appearance or performance
Ignore the reality of your actual life circumstances
Create shame when you inevitably can't maintain perfection
Example: "Get my pre-baby body back" assumes your current body is wrong and that you owe it to the world to look a certain way. It ignores the incredible thing your body just did and frames motherhood as something to erase rather than honor.
2. Hustle culture: Productivity as morality.
Productivity-focused resolutions—"work harder," "get more done," "maximize every hour"—often disregard our need for rest and play, perpetuating burnout. This framework treats you like a machine that should constantly optimize output.
These goals tell you that your value = your productivity. Rest becomes laziness. Downtime becomes wasted time. Joy that doesn't "serve" a goal becomes frivolous.
Example: "Wake up at 5 AM to be more productive" ignores whether you're actually getting enough sleep, whether morning is when you do your best work, or whether this change serves any actual value in your life beyond performing productivity.
3. Comparison culture: Everyone else's highlight reel.
Social media-fueled aspirations can leave us chasing lives that don't reflect our own values. You're comparing your messy reality to someone else's carefully curated image and wondering why you can't measure up.
These goals are about keeping up with others, not honoring yourself.
Example: Seeing influencers with their expensive workout gear, pristine homes, and "effortless" lifestyles can make you set goals based on what looks impressive rather than what actually matters to you.
4. All-or-nothing thinking: Perfection or failure.
Traditional goal-setting often operates in extremes. You're either crushing it or you've failed. There's no room for the messy middle, for learning curves, for adjusting based on changing circumstances.
This binary thinking sets you up for shame and abandonment of goals.
Example: "I'll go to the gym 5 days a week" sounds great until you miss one week due to illness, then feel like you've already failed and might as well give up entirely.
These goals rarely leave room for nuance, humanity, or joy. They're designed to keep us striving for an unattainable ideal rather than helping us thrive as we are.
What Is Feminist Goal-Setting?
Feminist goal-setting rejects oppressive norms.
Feminist goal-setting flips the script. It's about rejecting oppressive norms and embracing goals that align with your authentic self. It recognizes that you exist within systems that weren't designed for your flourishing and actively works to resist those systems.
Here's the framework:
1. Center your values, not society's expectations.
Focus on what genuinely matters to you, not what society says you should prioritize. Think beyond appearance or productivity and consider goals that spark joy or create meaningful impact in ways that align with your actual values.
Ask yourself: If no one would ever know about this goal, would I still care about it? If the answer is no, it's probably not your goal—it's someone else's expectation.
2. Redefine productivity as what matters, not what's measurable.
Productivity isn't about doing more—it's about doing what matters. Feminist goal-setting prioritizes rest, care, and connection as equally productive as any work output.
Time spent in rest, joy, relationship, or healing isn't "unproductive"—it's essential. These things are the foundation that makes everything else possible.
3. Build collective support, not individual achievement.
Individualism is overrated and often harmful. Feminist goal-setting acknowledges that thriving often requires community and mutual care. Your goals can include how you want to show up for others and how you want to be supported.
We don't exist in isolation, and goals that ignore our need for connection are incomplete.
4. Embrace progress over perfection.
Ditch the all-or-nothing mindset. Celebrate every step forward, even if it's small. Movement in the direction of your values matters more than perfect execution.
Feminist goal-setting makes space for learning, adjusting, backsliding, and trying again. It's about direction, not destination.
Steps to Reframe Your Goal-Setting Process
Step 1: Define success on your own terms.
Traditional resolutions often measure success by patriarchal standards—wealth, beauty, or unattainable perfection. Instead, get clear on what success actually means to you.
Ask yourself:
What does a successful year look like for me, specifically?
How can I measure success in ways that honor my values and well-being?
What would I do differently if I knew I couldn't fail?
What do I want to feel more of this year?
Write your own definition of success. Maybe it's about deepening your relationships, finding joy in your hobbies, or contributing to a cause you care about. Maybe it's about feeling more rested, more authentic, or more connected.
Example: Instead of "I want to be successful," try "I want to feel proud of how I spend my time and energy, connected to the people I love, and aligned with my values of creativity and justice."
Step 2: Create values-driven goals.
Take stock of what truly matters to you. Identify 3-5 core values, then create goals that serve those values.
Ask:
What brings me joy and meaning?
What aligns with my vision for a meaningful life?
What do I want more of, and what do I want less of?
Examples of values-driven goals:
Instead of: "Lose 10 pounds"
Try: "Explore movement practices that make me feel strong and joyful" (values: embodiment, joy, strength)
Instead of: "Work harder"
Try: "Create boundaries around my time to prioritize rest and creativity" (values: balance, self-care, creativity)
Instead of: "Be more productive"
Try: "Spend more quality time with people I love" (values: connection, presence, relationships)
Instead of: "Get a better job"
Try: "Identify what I want from my career and take one step toward it each month" (values: intentionality, growth, self-determination)
Step 3: Prioritize rest and recovery.
Rest is a radical act in a culture that glorifies overwork. Make space for rest by setting goals that protect your energy and wellbeing.
Examples:
"Unplug from screens for one full day each week"
"Take a 10-minute mindfulness or breathing break daily"
"Say no to one commitment per month that doesn't serve me"
"Protect my evenings from work by setting a hard stop time"
"Take one full day per month for pure rest and pleasure"
Remember: Rest isn't something you earn by being productive enough. Rest is a prerequisite for everything else.
Step 4: Foster community and connection.
Thriving isn't a solo endeavor. Build collective care into your goals by thinking about how you want to show up in relationship and community.
Examples:
Joining or creating a mutual aid network
Scheduling regular check-ins with friends or mentors who support your values
Supporting local movements or causes that align with your values
Creating or joining a support group for a shared experience (parenting, chronic illness, creative practice, etc.)
Asking for help more often and practicing receiving support
Feminist goal-setting asks: How do my goals serve not just me, but the collective wellbeing of my communities?
Step 5: Celebrate progress, not perfection.
The patriarchy thrives on perfectionism. This year, celebrate your efforts and learn from setbacks without shame.
Try this practice:
Write down three accomplishments from last year (big or small)
Write down what you learned from challenges or "failures"
Celebrate both as evidence of your growth and resilience
Use this practice monthly or quarterly to remind yourself that progress, not perfection, is the goal.
Reframe "failure":
"I didn't stick with that goal" becomes "I learned that goal wasn't aligned with my actual values"
"I gave up after two weeks" becomes "I tried something new and gathered information about what works for me"
Making Feminist Goal-Setting Practical
Create flexible, adaptive goals.
Instead of rigid resolutions, create flexible frameworks that adapt to your life.
Instead of: "I will go to the gym 5 days a week"
Try: "I will move my body in ways that feel good at least 3 times per week, and that might look like walks, yoga, dancing, or the gym depending on my energy and schedule"
Instead of: "I will read 50 books this year"
Try: "I will prioritize reading for pleasure and track how it impacts my wellbeing"
Build in accountability and support.
Share your goals with people who will support you without judgment. Create accountability partnerships where you check in with each other about progress, challenges, and what you're learning.
Consider: What support do I need to make this goal sustainable? Who can help me stay connected to my values when I feel pressure to abandon them?
Regularly reassess and adjust.
Your goals aren't set in stone. Check in quarterly (or whenever feels right) and ask:
Is this goal still aligned with my values?
Is this goal serving me, or am I serving it?
What adjustments would make this more sustainable or joyful?
What have I learned that should inform how I move forward?
It's okay to change, abandon, or completely reimagine your goals. That's not failure—that's wisdom.
Take It a Step Further: The Radical Resolutions Workbook
Ready to put this framework into action? Download the Radical Resolutions Workbook for exercises and prompts that will guide you through setting goals rooted in joy, community, and authenticity.
This free resource is designed to help you move from overwhelmed to empowered as you enter the new year. It includes:
Values clarification exercises
Goal-setting worksheets
Reflection prompts
Progress tracking that celebrates effort, not just outcomes
Your goals should feel liberating, not suffocating. They should expand your life, not shrink it.
Rewrite the Rules for Your Life
This New Year, say goodbye to resolutions that make you feel small and inadequate. Instead, embrace a feminist approach to goal-setting that celebrates your humanity and centers your values.
You deserve goals that leave you feeling fulfilled, not drained. You deserve to define success on your own terms. You deserve to prioritize joy, rest, and connection without guilt or apology.
Let's rewrite the rules together.
Here's to a year of empowerment, joy, and unapologetic authenticity. Here's to goals that serve your values instead of serving the patriarchy. Here's to progress, not perfection.
Ready to Set Goals That Actually Serve You?
If you're tired of traditional goal-setting that leaves you feeling inadequate, therapy can help. I work with people who are reimagining what success looks like, honoring their values, and building lives that feel authentic instead of performative.
