The Myth of Being “Behind” (and Why So Many of Us Feel It)

There’s a specific kind of ache that settles in your chest when you look around and feel like everyone else got instructions for adulthood that you somehow missed. Maybe your friends are announcing promotions, engagements, babies, new homes — and you’re still trying to figure out what you actually want out of your life, or how to get unstuck without feeling like you’re endlessly starting over.

If this is familiar, you’re in good company. And nothing about you is broken.

The pressure to “be further along by now” isn’t a personal failure. It’s a story we absorb from the moment we’re old enough to understand the word should.

Where This Story Comes From (and Why It’s So Heavy)

Most people don’t wake up one day and decide to judge their worth by their timelines. We’re taught to. We grow up surrounded by invisible messaging about what a “successful” life looks like:

Graduate on time.
Pick the right career.
Find the right partner.
Buy a house.
Stay productive.
Stay agreeable.
Stay small.

These expectations don’t come from nowhere — they're rooted in capitalism, perfectionism, and gendered socialization that teaches so many women, queer folks, and sensitive souls to keep performing, keep pleasing, and keep pushing through, even when life looks nothing like they imagined.

And when you step off that path? Or when life throws something at you that reshapes everything? The shame can feel crushing.

But your timeline was never supposed to look like anyone else’s.

Comparison Isn’t a Personal Flaw — It’s a Cultural Setup

Clients often tell me, “I know I shouldn’t compare myself…but I do.” The tender part is that comparison happens long before we’re conscious of it. We live inside systems that equate worth with productivity, and adulthood with hitting certain milestones by a certain age.

If your life doesn’t match that blueprint, the world tends to offer pity, advice, or judgment — instead of curiosity and compassion.

But comparison loses its power the moment we recognize it for what it is: a learned pattern, not a truth about your value.

Your Life Isn’t a Checklist — It’s a Relationship With Yourself

We tend to think meaning comes from achieving certain things in a certain order. But meaning actually comes from alignment — from living your life according to your values, not someone else’s expectations.

You’re allowed to slow down.
You’re allowed to be unsure.
You’re allowed to try again.
You’re allowed to take a path that makes sense to you, even if no one else gets it.
And you’re allowed to grieve the version of life you thought you’d have by now, without deciding that grief means you’ve failed.

It’s Not Too Late (Really)

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy reminds us that at any moment, we can choose again. You don’t need permission. You don’t need to hit a reset button. You just need to take one step — even a tiny one — in the direction of the life you want to build.

People reinvent themselves at every age.
People restart at every age.
People discover new dreams at every age.

You are not behind. You’re evolving.

You’re Not Alone in This

If this resonates with you, know that so many of my clients are wrestling with the exact same pressures — and unlearning them is powerful work. I’m developing a short-term group for people navigating these “I should be further along by now” feelings, with space to explore comparison, grief for old expectations, and what it means to build a life on your own terms. Stay tuned, I’ll share more details soon.

For now, take a breath.
You are not late to your life.
You’re right on time for your healing.